Hong Kong Phooey

As the Christmas decorations are packed away and we start to reconsider the wisdom of some of our New Year's resolutions, many of us are already looking forward to Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day, trying to put last year firmly behind us. Most of us would be happy to see 2020 entirely written off.  Written off like that interview for our dream job in which we  probably  should not have quoted extensively from 'The Life of Brian'.  Written off like that wetsuit which took an hour to squeeze into before we had to cut ourself out of it in an emergency after taking some ill-advised super-strength laxatives.  Or perhaps written off like the blind date who turned up for dinner looking like Monica Bellucci on an evening when we decided to dress down, wearing corduroy pants and Brut 33 aftershave. Monica Bellucci : not someone to disappoint on a dinner date The global media spent most of 2020 focused on CoVid-19; the ways in which it was being mismanaged and the rac...

And so it came to pass that a sad and lonely playground bully who went by the name of Do'Nald of the Small Hands, was delivered unto the Land of Opportunity by his family fleeing the social leprosy which afflicted them in The Old World.  Here he chased an empty life of conjured wealth, women with long shanks and highly unsavoury personal friends.  Then one night he received a mighty revelation as a fierce storm called 'Daniels' rumbled over his ignoble, garish and bankrupt house.  Do'Nald received the enlightenment that in fact he was not the problem in the lives of all those around him, he did not need to change, rather it was everybody else. And so he declared himself a champion of the people and set himself upon a path to change the lives of everyone by refashioning them in his own image. No contest:  an intelligent, eloquent, high-profile celebrity owner of multiple successful businesses  vs Donald Trump Rolling Stone feature article Do'Nald journeyed far a...

Years ago one of my favourite bosses mounted a quote on the wall behind his chair which read;  "I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel,  but it was just some bastard with a flashlight  bringing me some more work". The last 9 months have been admittedly dark and isolating for just about everyone but here in Honkers the first glimmers of light are finally starting to glow in the gloom.   New CoVid cases are down into single digits (most days), allowing social restrictions to be gradually eased for the first time in months.  While locals have enjoyed healthier bank balances due to their reduced spending, strung-out expats are desperate to break free of their enforced monasticism to resume the punishing regime which passes for a social life in this part of the world. Mikey, 32, speaks for most of his most of his team, although not too coherently after 10pm, when he says; "Strewth mate it's been HELL ! Just pure soddin' HELL." Before leaving Adela...

The first ships to explore the tropics noted two different types of storm. The first was a regular afternoon squall, developing quickly after lunch, then dropping a short, sharp shower which you can set your watch by; for example 3:30pm in Singapore. The second was a slow, dark, brooding depression which nudges the temperature and humidity incrementally higher over days which turn into weeks, leaving ships yawing uncomfortably on windless, slow-rolling seas until skies darken to sackcloth and finally deliver a relentless torrent of rain for 5 straight days and nights. Hong Kong spent most of 2019 caught in the latter. The nine months leading to Christmas 2019 saw Hong Kong's corporations, retailers and entrepreneurs struggle frantically to steer their businesses through one heavy swell after another. Chanel's Keira Knightley smiles approvingly as the sun breaks through skyscrapers on chanting marchers filling the streets of HK's Central district The first wave ...

Popular wisdom holds that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they talk to waiters, pet their dog or arrange pillows on the bed. Personally I consider these last resorts, after say, reviewing their CV. Either way, one thing which tells you a lot about a people is how they stage a revolution. A quiet diving vacation in the Philippines was the backdrop to my first revolution in late January 2001. Testimonies against then President Estrada's alleged kick-backs ignited public sentiment, drawing  hundreds of thousands of people to block the streets of Manila in protest. The military were mobilised to disperse the crowds, but soon reported, somewhat haplessly, that there was no longer any space left in the streets for people to disperse into. Within hours, national TV carried footage of protesters making garlands and BBQ-ing chicken for hungry, albeit bashful tank commanders as a full-on street party ensued. A wannabe pilot sprayed 'Resign' on the presidential chop...