Can a situation be contrived which will simultaneously explode into a complete clusterf@ck while at the same time implode into a total omnishambles ?
Astonishingly the government delivered such a resounding "Yes" that absolutely nobody was left in any doubt.
Lunatic fringe - and a pretty wild haircut also
Hints that something might be awry first surfaced when a Prime Minister who secured the greatest landslide victory in modern times went on to lose the confidence of his party and the nation mid-way through his tenure.
Said one insider in confidence;
"The man in the street is OK with a Prime Minister who promotes himself as Julius Caesar in public while quietly cavorting around like Calígula behind the scenes. But to casually party about in the garden like Nero while the nation is burning really takes the biscuit."
The PM's forced resignation precipitated a 60 day long, barrel-scraping leadership contest fuelled by rabidly raging tabloids on one side and absinth-minded talk-show hosts on the other.
Confirmation that the good ship Britannia had slipped its moorings were glumly realised as the govt's replacement PM failed to serve long enough to even put out the bins at No.10
During the 50 excrutiating days of the Truss Misadministration which followed, excited experts and casual commentators from every corner of the globe watched with baited breath as No 10 Downing Street bemused the world with the most premature ejaculation of a political career ever presented.
Had post-Brexit Britain added 5 September to the calendar as a second April Fools Day perhaps ?
A competent, reliable, hard-working, safe and secure truss
None of the above
After years spent patiently studying fragile political flashpoints all over the globe, experts were astonished to realise that it would be in the UK itself, the stalwart bastion of democratic tedium, that political responsibility, morality and leadership would all evaporate into a vacuum before their very eyes. Said one seasoned observer who could hardly contain his excitement;
"We have been privileged to witness an unprecedented collection of halfwits orchestrate an exquisite catastrophe entirely of their own making. And how glorious to see it unfold here, live, today in the 21st Century no less ! We had long thought that a government going completely FUBAR would be extremely unlikely in the modern age.
"Indeed, if it was to happen at all, then we fully expected such an event to occur in tinderbox regimes like North Korea or banana republics like the DRC - no offence to those governments, obviously.
"For this happen in Europe already beggars belief but to see this spontaneous combustion in the Mother of All Parliaments simply transcends our capacity for rational thought. Please excuse me, I really need to go and lay down."
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