Keep Taking The Tablets

And so it came to pass that a sad and lonely playground bully who went by the name of Do'Nald of the Small Hands, was delivered unto the Land of Opportunity by his family fleeing the social leprosy which afflicted them in The Old World.  Here he chased an empty life of conjured wealth, women with long shanks and highly unsavoury personal friends.  Then one night he received a mighty revelation as a fierce storm called 'Daniels' rumbled over his ignoble, garish and bankrupt house.  Do'Nald received the enlightenment that in fact he was not the problem in the lives of all those around him, he did not need to change, rather it was everybody else. And so he declared himself a champion of the people and set himself upon a path to change the lives of everyone by refashioning them in his own image.

No contest: 

an intelligent, eloquent, high-profile celebrity owner of multiple successful businesses 

vs Donald Trump

Rolling Stone feature article

Do'Nald journeyed far and wide across the land promising to heal the sick - better than anyone had ever healed the sick before. Moreover he would end the fighting with other tribes, find fruitful labours for everyone, free them from the burden of their taxes and miraculously shower the people with gold in their old age by raising the indexes of the money exchanges higher than any had done before him. He denounced other prophets, claiming it was easy to turn water into wine; He would make Budweiser taste like beer again. And his followers praised him to the heavens; so long had they been forced to drink this tasteless, gassy beer.

Iconic Budweiser advertising: as tasteless as the beer itself - since anyone can remember

People followed in their thousands across the Land to champion The Do'Nald, taking up his rally cry to "Drain the Swamp" of the self-serving leaders who sat upon The Hill. Do'Nald denounced the leaders as not interested in the plights of the people; being content merely to promote their families and friends into positions of power while encouraging rapists and plague carriers into the Land of Opportunity. He promised to build a wall around the Land to keep out the 'tribes who lived in shitholes' and then to cleanse away all the dirt to make the Land white again. And lo the people adored The Do'Nald, raising him up to sit upon The Hill, to wield the Staff of Chiefs and to command all those before him. 

But as soon as Do'Nald was sat upon The Hill, he too forgot the followers who placed him there. He immediately set about building his own dynasty. He dismissed his loyal scribes and advisors, seating all of his vacuous family at his right side and left side, making all others answer unto them. He then destroyed the legal codices written on The Hill before him, abolished the comforts granted by previous great leaders, proclaiming them false gifts which the people did not need. Him, Himself, He was the greatest of all leaders and moreover the only leader which the Land would ever need. He declared that more followers attended his accession than any leader before him and he exercised the right to rule his subjects by personal decree. 

Humbled pen-pal Kim Jong-Un;

conceded the modest size of his Arirang turnout was pitiful compared with 

The Do'Nald's huge accession ceremony on The Hill 

The Do'Nald's forgotten followers became full of sorrow, making themselves drunk on their lame beer, engorged on clay-oven ready meals while secretly stockpiling rocks and catapults in their tents for the Time of Retribution. The days grew darker and the nights grew longer across Land of Missed-Opportunities as The Do'Nald's buzzards squawked under the weight of Executive Papyri flown to the furthest corners of the Land after midnight. Friends and families were turned to enemies, goading each other unto conflict and a great divide descended between the light and the dark. 

Do'Nald's forgotten followers now whispered to each other dark truths about him. The tablets in the market places revealed how he cheated on his wives, his taxes and how he even bought the support of hostile tribes to support his ascendency to The Hill. The Do'Nald claimed these were all fake inscriptions by jealous blasphemers. He quickly promoted conflicts between neighbouring tribes and imposed trading tariffs with others to distract from the accusations against him. However finally his chief scribe and closest confident from the House of Cohen stood up to proclaim that The Do'Nald was verily guilty of all the whispers against him and many more besides. Followers of The Do'Nald were thrown into frenzy and confusion, some wailed that he was a false prophet while others gnashed their teeth to hear such disloyalties.

Bitter much ? Cohen to launch podcast about Trump called 'Mea Culpa'

The people openly started to ask where was the plan to heal the sick better than anyone had done so before ? What happened to the lower taxes, the end of the fighting with other tribes or the fruitful labours which everyone was promised ? Indeed the new tariffs made the chattels from other lands more expensive than ever before; the lives of the people were becoming harder day by day; they could not wait until their old age for the promised showers of gold from the magic money exchanges. Long weeks stretched into bleak months. The more the people told The Do'Nald he was wrong, the more he told them he was right - telling them "You're Fired!" The less they believed in his lies, the more he believed in himself. He cast out his few remaining advisers, replacing them with idolaters, fixers and others who could profit from his increasing need for audience, attention and admiration. 

The highest rate of attrition of any leader ever on The Hill 

It's not me, it's them !

At this time the old stone mason living above the quarry with the False Bride of Jagger summoned the village elders to ask why they no longer came to buy his tablets. The elders replied the villagers had been happy to read about a visionary, a hope for change on The Hill, someone who would get things done. However nobody wanted to read about a lying, petulant child taken to bawling whenever he is ignored or starting conflicts whenever he is accused - the people have more than enough of this in their daily lives at home. The elders chided the old mason that his tablets first revered the leader for what he could be, then revealed him for what he was, then reviled him for what he has done. The very mention of the leader's name was now so unwelcome that the people broke the tablets hung in the market places rather than read any more drivel about him.

A 1970's Jerry Hall : famously not married to Mick Jagger from 1990 to 1999

Later that evening the old Mason's wife asked how they will ever sell their tablets to the markets again. The old mason lit his pipe, smiled, then explained;

"The people read our tablets because they have no choice. They will not read the tablets written by the religious orders; no matter how many prophets starve in the desert, part the seas or bring commandments down from the mountains. Man is simply too weak to believe in a loving omnipotence which does not protect him from the misery which fills his daily life. At the same time the people will not read the tablets of the natural philosophers; man is too strong to accept that the worldly  elements are governed by cosmic powers beyond his control. 

"This leader was chosen because he perfectly mirrors his followers; they have nothing but they owe everyone, therefore they take all they can while giving nothing in return. They take no responsibility for their failures, they simply blame everyone else.  They refuse to learn anything new, preferring to think they know everything already. They want everyone to listen to their opinions but they will only listen to what they want to hear, so now we simply give them what they want to hear; good news about a new leader.

"Who the leader is or how he is chosen is like the people themselves - totally unimportant. Whoever it is, it is only important that the people read about him, talk about him, argue about him, fight over him, champion him, put him up on The Hill or tear him down.  Only  then do the people have a little colour in their grey and dreary lives.  This is what gives them the illusion of control and gives us something profitable to do with all this otherwise useless rock."

Expat Hell is Finally Freezing Over

Years ago one of my favourite bosses mounted a quote on the wall behind his chair which read; 

"I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, 

but it was just some bastard with a flashlight 

bringing me some more work".

The last 9 months have been admittedly dark and isolating for just about everyone but here in Honkers the first glimmers of light are finally starting to glow in the gloom.   New CoVid cases are down into single digits (most days), allowing social restrictions to be gradually eased for the first time in months. 

While locals have enjoyed healthier bank balances due to their reduced spending, strung-out expats are desperate to break free of their enforced monasticism to resume the punishing regime which passes for a social life in this part of the world.

Mikey, 32, speaks for most of his most of his team, although not too coherently after 10pm, when he says;
"Strewth mate it's been HELL ! Just pure soddin' HELL."

Before leaving Adelaide for Honkers, Mikey had already proven himself a high-achiever by ranking third at his local watering hole for putting away a 1kg schnitzel with a litre of pilsner in 11 minutes and 52 seconds. 

Today he leads a team of 30 managing a $30bn investment fund from the dizzy heights of one of HK's glass monoliths.

"Most of our competitors manage hedge funds right, which sounds bloody elitist for starters; I mean, aristos have hedges, right ?", Mikey enlightened as the sun set on his fifth 'cool one'. 

"So we put our own Aussie branding on it, called it 'The Bush Fund', launched it online 2 years ago and the drongos bloody love it !  I mean it's HUGE cobber; they just keep emptying their wallets into it, day after day, month after month - can't buy enough of it.

Rude shaped hedges at Chatsworth House, Derbyshire; 

an elitist vanity project giving the local peasants ideas above their station since 1549.

The Australian Bush; no delusions of grandeur

Mikey continued; 

"'Course the stress is brutal; fish don't bite on stale bait do they ? So we link our Bush Fund to new products which we launch every 60 days to keep 'em coming, like our latest little beauties; our convex-derisative-soft-floor-swaptions.  They're selling like dope.  I just wish I had something to spend my bonus on. I'd buy Bond's new Aston but here in Honkers a third parking slot costs about as much as the car itself so first I' d have to let go of either the McLaren or the 'Ghini."

Mikey reflected sombrely as he pulled the Mumm's from the ice bucket and topped up the cocktail for 'Bowie', his long-haired, even-longer-suffering, newly-groomed Shih Tzu; 

"It's just not easy, these are tough decisions mate. People don' t realise the stress we've been under." 

When asked about HK's 6pm curfew finally being lifted on bars and restaurants Mikey visibly relaxed, the veins in his eyeballs gently receding from his iris. Still traumatised from those dark days, he struggled to find the right words;
"Hardest days of my life, fair dinkum.  You see we have a code; it's mission critical to keep the team tight from Monday to Friday - we leave no man behind.

No man left behind: intensive unwinding at Happy Hour

"At the end of each arvo we pound down 10 Happy Hour bevvies at Slim's from 6 to 9pm, then a quick pit-stop at Monty's for two double-quarter pounders with cheese and chilli fries until half 9, then 3 or 4 dirty martinis on the balcony of The Pawn before midnight. 

The Pawn - for slow nightcaps

"A jug of coffee with a 6 pack of Redbull and 2 lines of coke for brekky gets us all back behind our desks, right as rain, by 9 the next morning; no worries. 

"Of course Saturdays we normally charter a yacht to blow off some steam with all-you-can-eat from the barbie and all-you-can-drink from the eski. 

Boat parties; well-earned relaxation at the weekend

"It's an important team bonding opportunity for the office Sheilas to showcase their latest dental floss on deck while me and me mates strut our budgie smugglers. 

Nobody does it better: Casino Royale 

confirmed Daniel Craig as MI6's best ever budgie smuggler

https://www.menstylefashion.com/mens-swimwear-budgie-smuggler-wear-them-with-confidence-2012/

"Of course we always drop anchor for 15 minutes in some private little bay for the guys to go a round or two behind the dunes with the Sheilas - just to dish the tea for the week ahead. 

"Defo the 6pm curfew ruined our whole mojo; we almost caved under the endless boredom; Michelin-starred take-aways washed down with warm bubbly at home while bingeing on Netf@cks from Monday to Friday. It was murder.

"At times like these it's important to stay on point for the team, keep their flags flying and show that I share their struggle.  It was shakey at first but they really came through for me after I had the walk-in wine cellars fitted in their apartments.  The key was keeping their champers 'n' tinnies cool; it's all about the basics, see ?  Although for some the pain ran much deeper; three of us actually interviewed live-in Sous Chefs to get us through the ordeal.  Another week or two and it might have come to that.  Never thought times could get so tough. 

"The sheer exhaustion of back-to-back '24', Game of Thrones and Suits was hard enough but crikey mate; waking up in the same bed day after day after day - it was the pits.  Curfew conditions like these piled on so much extra pressure to compensate at the weekends by getting totally trollied - it was ruthless.  Each Saturday we were up at 8am sharp, military style, stormed the yacht club as soon as the bar opened at 10am, pounded the bevvies for a full 8 hours until 6pm, before slinking back home with long faces and nothing but a personal 18" gourmet pizza to comfort our sorrows. 

"All in all I'd say we did well, but it was not without casualties was it cobber ?  Look at my prime rump !  I put on 10kg during the first 2 months and another 5 the month after.  Luckily the gyms are about to reopen so I can resume working on my Minecraft score while posing on the cross-fit trainers.  It's been savage mate, let's hope it's finally over, I don't ever want to do this again."

Exercise is like a relationship; 

if you're cheating then it's not working, is it ?

Mikey's concluding remarks were pure unfiltered Australian as he stepped down from his bar-stool, slipped on a slice of pizza, pulling over a butane space heater which fell and instantly decapitated, tenderised and flambéed Bowie before his final breath had left his body. All this to confirm that a newly-groomed Shih Tzu is notoriously flammable and that life in HK is, as always, anything but normal.

Stormfront Coming

The first ships to explore the tropics noted two different types of storm. The first was a regular afternoon squall, developing quickly after lunch, then dropping a short, sharp shower which you can set your watch by; for example 3:30pm in Singapore. The second was a slow, dark, brooding depression which nudges the temperature and humidity incrementally higher over days which turn into weeks, leaving ships yawing uncomfortably on windless, slow-rolling seas until skies darken to sackcloth and finally deliver a relentless torrent of rain for 5 straight days and nights. Hong Kong spent most of 2019 caught in the latter.

The nine months leading to Christmas 2019 saw Hong Kong's corporations, retailers and entrepreneurs struggle frantically to steer their businesses through one heavy swell after another.

Chanel's Keira Knightley smiles approvingly as the sun breaks through skyscrapers on chanting marchers filling the streets of HK's Central district

The first wave was one of public marches against the Legislative Council's (LegCo's) proposal for an extradition treaty with China. This would allow the mainland to repatriate Persons of Interest who they felt had strayed beyond the secure embrace of the Giant Panda. Cynics asked why even discuss such a treaty given the casual swagger with which Chinese authorities already enter HK and leave with anyone they choose - without even a cursory heads-up to the HK authorities. A notable example from 2017 was Chinese / Canadian businessman Xiao Jianhua who was escorted from his suite at Hong Kong's Four Seasons hotel without warning in full view of his own bodyguards. China made much of the fact that there was no struggle and that Xiao's processing through border immigration was peaceful; however this was never in much doubt since he seemed to have been unconscious and hooded during the whole process.

https://foreignpolicy.com/2018/03/29/the-disappeared-china-renditions-kidnapping/


https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-hongkong-billionaire-idUSKBN15Q09Q


Having woefully misjudged the public sentiment on extradition, HK's Legislative Council attempted to appease public outcry by allowing street marches on the issue.

June 2019: subway stations fill to capacity as people converge along marching routes

Umbrellas: cheap and effective for frustrating Big Brother's video surveillance

The marches quickly gained momentum, providing a platform for grievances to mushroom from mere extradition to political reform generally. The public was already demanding greater autonomy from China and even sovereignty for HK before LegCo realised that appeasement was fueling the debate not quenching it. Further marches were then banned. Predictably the next wave was one of unsanctioned protests; protesting the right to march. Early efforts to disperse crowds with blue-dyed water cannon were quickly superseded by efforts to contain and capture protesters who were now being labeled as 'rioters'.

Blue stained shoes; 

revealing this subway commuter got too close to a police water-cannon during the weekend

Weekend evenings became regular fixtures of cat-and-mouse through Hong Kong's narrow streets and back alleys as stiffly regimented police squads were effortlessly wrong-footed by very nimble and highly coordinated teenage tacticians. Weeks went by in which bewildered tourists emerged from the city's smartest boutiques, aghast at the sight of green-clad police bearing shields and batons chasing black-clad, Ninjas-in-Nikes through the city's most fashionable shopping districts.

Kowloon's Nathan Road: 

posh shoppers going about their business during the calm before the storm. Police make afternoon patrols in full riot gear as a visual deterrent

Naturally many protesters had family members serving in the police force; a juxtaposition which the media fully relished, running interviews with emancipated wives and daughters who joined unsanctioned protests while their dullard husbands and fathers march in the riot control squads.

Early marches were largely well behaved and good natured, although street art was already characterising the police as dumb lackeys, being wielded as a blunt instrument of the HK govt. Even after the LegCo suspended the extradition bill, the freedom (or not) to march and demand its total withdrawal became a fierce battle of wills between Hong Kong's deeply unhappy residents and the authority of the Legislative Council. This was a game in which foreigners largely sat on the sidelines; expats continued to overflow from the bars and clubs onto the streets each evening at happy hour, while domestic helpers continued to fill the parks and malls on Sundays. Meanwhile tourists were always shown polite consideration; even the most determined protesters were never too busy to advise disorientated tourists on how to avoid the tear gas and baton charges advancing around the around the next corner, or indeed which quiet back alleys would lead them safely to the to-die-for sale at Coach.

Perhaps the most effective demonstrations during this time were the peaceful sit-ins at Hong Kong's Chek Lap Kok airport in Aug 2019. These forced the cancellation of all departures for several days over consecutive weeks, disrupting business travel, air freight and tourism. Within days, flight and hotel reservations were being cancelled en-masse as businesses rediscovered what that little blue 'Skype' icon in their Windows Start menu was all about.

https://qz.com/1685916/hong-kong-protesters-forced-the-airport-to-shut-down/

As days stretched into weeks the long-familiar queues of mainlanders waiting patiently under parasols and straw boaters in the fierce summer sun to browse the boutiques of Hermes, Burberry and Dior slowly evaporated. Meanwhile the local customers of beach restaurants were being told that half the menu items were unavailable due to 'delivery problems'.

Familiar sight; long queues of mainlanders waiting to enter HK's most fashionable boutiques

The airport occupation showed conclusively that HK's success as an aviation hub may also be its Achilles' heel and that the protesters understood HK's vulnerabilities better than the authorities did. Furthermore, the police had not anticipated the tactics of the protesters or managed to monitor their communications to any significant advantage. As an embarrassing afterthought the authorities quickly secured the airport from further crippling sit-ins to maintain continuity of business and tourism. It was finally clear that the police would need to infiltrate the protester's organisation to keep up with the game.

The third wave of public unrest brought with it a sharp escalation from noisy protest to premeditated violence and vandalism. Protests morphed into street riots, fighting became progressively more dangerous, police stations came under attack.

August 2019: barricades around Western Police Station, Des Voix Road

The police's tear gas and rubber bullets were answered by protesters with paving blocks, petrol bombs and blazing barricades hastily cobbled together from street railings and materials pilfered from local construction sites.

Street railings and construction materials removed to make impromptu street barricades.

Paving blocks dug up ready for confrontation

September 2019: charred roads and discarded barricades after 

police actions sweep rioters from the main streets into the back-alleys

From the outset, marches and protests included token amounts of opportunist vandalism. These were typically half-baked attempts at graffiti on the doors of Chinese banks or damage to the windows of Chinese fast food franchises; they were usually the parting shots of young activists wanting to leave their mark on the battlefield before withdrawing for the evening. However as protesting gave way to rioting it became clear that new agitants had joined the fray with different agendas - and with this started a slow fragmentation of public opinion.

Old public spaces with new graffiti

As weeks stretched into months, protesting became characterised by  street fighting, out-and-out vandalism and extreme retaliation against dissent. Ticket machines, turnstiles and the glass facades of subway stations were inexplicably destroyed. Some of the very few who took issue with the perpetrators found themselves unprepared for the consequences.

11 Nov 2019; 57 yr old Lee Chi-Cheung pays a high price for remonstrating with 

radical protesters who vandalised the city's subway station 

and for offering the contentious view that Hongkongers are Chinese.

https://www.chinadailyhk.com/articles/153/195/6/1576400422693.html


https://hongkongfp.com/2019/11/11/hong-kong-police-say-man-set-alight-arguing-protesters/


https://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/law-and-crime/article/3037243/hong-kong-father-two-burned-alive-after-chasing


Higher stakes required bolder tactics and caution was an early casualty. Attempts were made to capture firearms from police officers, leading to the first warning shots fired with live ammunition. Petrol bombs thrown at police vehicles rolled under family vehicles stuck in the traffic alongside.

People who had previously attended the marches or morally supported friends and family protesting the right to march started to concede that aimless destruction of public transport served no political purpose and that no good result could come of snatching a holstered weapon from a policeman. People began to ask if the protest movement had lost sight of its objectives.

To the credit of the police, great restraint was instructed and effectively maintained in the face of quite overwhelming pressure. There can be few countries in the world where a protester running to throw a burning petrol bomb over police lines would not be met with lethal force; yet it happened in Hong Kong on an almost daily basis. Instead large numbers of rubber bullets and bean bag rounds were used, a small number of which caused serious injuries, including an Indonesian reporter blinded permanently in one eye.

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/12/blinded-indonesian-journalist-seeks-answers-hong-kong-police-191206033800684.html

With most people's calendars blocked out for Christmas, New Year and Lunar New Year from the end of December 2019 to the end of January 2020, Hong Kongers' anticipation of a final, grand act of defiance to complete 2019 became palpable from early November.  Speculation, expectation and tension escalated through every media platform, coffee shop and drinking den. Protesters selected the buildings of Hong Kong Polytechnic University on 17th November to make their last stand of the year.

An early attempt by police failed to take control of the situation as they tried to drive an armored car onto the campus. This was successfully repulsed with petrol bombs, prompting police to secure all building exits, initiating a siege. The now-familiar volleys of tear gas and rubber bullets were answered with petrol bombs and even improvised bows and arrows to the point where hospitals were overwhelmed with patients. After 3 days and nights of inconclusive fighting and damage to university property, a 10 day waiting game followed. Exhausted, hungry and unwashed, small groups of protesters made sporadic escape attempts.  However most were overpowered and arrested with a few daring exceptions such as those repelling with zipwires from bridges or wading through sewer systems.

https://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/politics/article/3039838/war-zone-prison-voices-polytechnic-university-siege-site

https://hongkongfp.com/2019/12/12/battle-scarred-lasting-impact-polyu-campus-siege-hong-kongs-protest-movement/

https://hongkongfp.com/2020/05/15/hong-kong-police-charge-14-with-rioting-over-university-campus-siege-1-wanted/

Observers estimate approx 1,300 people may have been caught up in some or all of the 10 day siege with 300 of these being minors and some even under 16.  As the last remnants gave themselves up, two things became clear for the first time; the substantial support given to the protesters and their collective naivity.

The highly visible front line activists seen throwing petrol bombs and fighting police had been supported by large numbers of reserve volunteers giving medical aid, cooking food, procuring materials, making  weapons, running communications, planning escapes, coordinating escape vehicles, etc.  They saw these non-conflict  roles as excusable, justifiable and definitely not prosecutable.  When the siege fell and everyone was taken into custody, surprised parents wept on their knees begging police to "... just let their children come home...".  The participants seem to have shared a collective, starrey-eyed delusion that their actions would have no consequences.  This confirmed what many outsiders had guessed from the beginning; that the protesters had little understanding of the world, how it works and their own accountability in it.

The last days of the seige coincided with local council elections in which pro-democracy candidates won a landslide 90% of the seats.  The voice of the people was thereby legitimated via conventional political means, largely venting the pressure for more protests.

The siege of HKUP was widely reported as a long-awaited, brooding storm finally breaking over the city.  However some observers see it as perhaps just the first of several waves to break across the bow, signalling something altogether more sinister coming over the horizon.